A bend in the yellow brick road…

Eight years ago, Tuesday, after two weeks of working on her recently deceased sister’s estate, my Mom went to sleep in a hotel room, and never woke up. It was a Saturday night, and my Dad called me just after 9pm, EST. I had just sat down to dinner and texted: “will call you back, as soon as dinner is done.” The phone rang again, immediately after my message was sent. Unusual for my Dad, so I picked up, and my world stopped. I was on the first flight to Colorado, at 6am, the next morning, in a state of utter shock. Upon arriving in Colorado, my Dad was waiting in the parking lot of the hotel, because he needed to go to the E.R., immediately, his blood sugar had spiked to 525. I didn’t even get out of the car. He got in, and we went to the hospital. In less than 12 hours, I had lost my Mom and was now in a hospital, out of state, with my Dad. A bit of context: my parents had been with my younger sister for the Christmas holiday, and the birth of their grandson, who had the foresight to arrive on their 42nd wedding anniversary. Four days into the new year, my Aunt Beth died, after a long battle with cancer. Six days after she died, my great Uncle Jack died. My parents flew home, had four days to repack bags, and headed out to Colorado. Mom was her sister’s executrix. Dad was his uncle’s executor. And two weeks later, only 6 weeks into the new year, Dad had lost his sister-in-law, his uncle and his wife. That is one helluva curve to encounter on the yellow brick road, let me tell you.

I am sharing this true story to help illustrate the CRITICAL importance of ALREADY having an estate plan in place. In all the stress and grief we faced in those days and weeks in the early spring of 2013, the one thing we didn’t have to face was the logistical nightmare of intestacy. That is the fancy word applied when someone dies without a will. And let me tell you, there were sufficient logistical nightmares without that one adding to the strain. Mom died out of state. And the wheels of bureaucracy around death do not move swiftly. That said, they do move, certainly. There are all kinds of deadlines, forms, and actions that MUST be adhered to, even when we are exhausted, even when we are numb with grief. The world keeps moving, though we may be desperate for it to slow down, even for a minute. Ultimately, we had to leave her there, drive the already loaded car & trailer back to Dad’s home state of Kentucky, trying to beat an ill-timed, classic midwestern snowstorm. Of course.

The days and weeks that followed are a blur. But, I am more grateful than I can say that all three of my relatives had current, completed documents. Because, in the foggy days that follow loss, they create a bit of a roadmap your loved ones can follow, when they cannot remember what day it is, or the last time they ate or slept. Imagine how incredibly critical that becomes, when you become the one common person in three estates. Simultaneously. That was where my Dad found himself, until the successor executrix could take over with his sister-in-law’s affairs. Leaving properly executed, current documents for your loved ones is an act of love. Trust me. I know it is difficult to face their necessity and creation. I know it feels like we almost invite disaster by preparing for it. No one wants to think of these things. No one. But not thinking about them, and not doing them is a far worse fate, not for our “stuff,” but for our people.

We focus on our why, to protect our who, by outlining the what and how, because we cannot know when.

The one absolute we can be certain of in life, is our eventual death. This is why EVERY adult needs estate planning. Every. One. And because we don’t know when death will come for us, for which I am truly grateful, it behooves us to get our affairs in order. I, for one, wanted it done, so I could get on with the business of LIVING! That when the day comes, those who might mourn me, will remember that I LIVED, and they can thank me for leaving them clear documentation that actually alleviates a number of potentially painful aspects associated with the business of death. While some may not like the decisions you made, they are made. Your loved ones don’t have to try to interpret, or make painful decisions about your wishes, while they process the pain of your loss. In the end, if you leave Great Aunt Edna’s beloved lamp to your son, and you leave Great, Great Uncle Charlie’s oil painting to your daughter, and once all is said and done they decide to trade, because your son really loves the lamp and your daughter always loved the painting, then you have succeeded!!! If you worry that you do not have a sizable liquid estate, and in the end, you can “only” leave three shiny pennies, one for each of your surviving siblings, or children, but they did not have to go into their own pockets, or worse, into debt to settle your estate, then you have succeeded!!!

You do not need me to blind you with statistics. Those fail to motivate us, anyway, I believe. Instead, I hope you will consider that none of us knows how long we get to be here, in this life. And I hope that inspires us to do two things: LIVE with all our might, while we can, and LEAVE our loved ones with one less pain to suffer with our loss, by leaving them current, properly executed estate plans. None of us can see where the bends in the road will be, or how sharp the turn may be, but we don’t have to go it alone. Estate planning and financial planning go hand in hand, and you do not have to face either of them, alone. Remember, Dorothy, did not journey along that twisting, yellow brick road, alone. She had a team filled with courage, intelligence, heart and hope to help her. You can, too! Let’s chat and learn how to build one…